North 7th & Bedford

When my husband and I got married, just shy of our 30’s, I’ll always remember what a friend of mine wrote to me in a card.  She wrote: “See Katie, you can have it all!”  It was a sweet sentiment, and this friend is aware that I’ve been running my own business for years as an independent singer/songwriter so of course I was now adding the role of wife to the role of businesswoman.  This was coming from someone who also runs her own business while having been married for years.  When I read those words, I remember the first thing that came to my mind was an agreeing, ‘yes, I can!’  And then another thought immediately followed, which was: ‘I never thought that I couldn’t have it all.’  Now, this is probably in part due to my upbringing, as my parents have been happily married for over 30 years and they are both owners of their own separate businesses, all the while having raised me and my older brother.  So suffice it to say, I have a strong foundation of wanting it all: the career, the husband, the family—the whole shebang!  My parents set the bar high.

However, this got me thinking.  Not everybody is so lucky to have had a strong background of family values as well as the exposure to what it takes to run your own business—having a successful career while having the house with the white picket fence, so to speak, too.  I started wondering: do some women think they can’t have it all?  And I’m curious, if so, perhaps this doubtful thinking is what holds some women back from getting it all.

This is a bit of a sad notion to me.  Maybe it is hard to be Super Woman: be the wife, be the businesswoman, be the mom.  But at the end of the day, these are labels and perhaps the women that think they can’t have it all are the ones who are trying to please everyone and paying too close attention to other people’s expectations and judgments.  We’ve all heard of the clichés: ruthless businesswoman who puts all her time into work and doesn’t give love a chance.  Or the stay at home mom who ends up resenting her family because she didn’t go back to a job she loved.  But this doesn’t have to be real life.  (And I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being a full time mom or wife or career woman.  I’m just referring to the scenario of wanting it all but not believing that you can).  Having a successful career and marriage simultaneously is possible and maybe easier than some of us allow ourselves to believe (or even enjoy).  I say, focus on what you want and who you want to be.  Then, go get it.  If you allow outside opinions or the fear of having everything you want hold you back, you’re only jeopardizing your full potential.

Giving my marriage and career the proper attention they both need to flourish is a balancing act.  I’m an indie music artist so I take on a lot of different roles in my business and it’s not a 9 to 5 job.  It’s something I have to constantly be working on, as well as traveling a lot for touring.  But I’m also invested in my marriage and know that I don’t want to lose my personal life in sacrifice to work.  I suppose it’s like walking on a tight rope between the two worlds and if you lean more to one side, the other side will suffer.  However, I’ve never really felt like it’s been very difficult to balance the two.  I guess it all comes down to this: if your relationship and your career are both things that you really want and value, you don’t have to struggle too much giving your time and attention to them.  You just make it work.

So even though balancing is a major ingredient in work and love, I believe balancing is the easy part.  It’s even the fun part (despite some people complaining about how they have to wear so many hats). It’s just part of life.  I think the more crucial part is what comes before the balancing.  It’s the foundation you set for yourself, the commitment to believing the dreams within your heart, and the braveness to chase those dreams down knowing that you deserve them because they are part of your delightful destiny.  Give yourself permission to be happy, to be the independent businesswoman and the loving and devoted wife, all at the same time.  Accept the trueness behind the concept that a lot of us might be taking for granted or dismissing too soon: you can have it all!

-Katie Garibaldi